by Memorial High School’s Valedictorian Stole The Mascot Costume… For College
In what admissions officers are calling “a bold extracurricular choice,” Memorial High School’s valedictorian Aisha Khan submitted her Yale application wearing the school’s missing Marty the Moose mascot head. Security footage confirms she’s been quietly wearing it to class since October, with teachers only realizing something was amiss when her AP exams featured hoof prints instead of handwriting.
“It was about demonstrating commitment,” explained Khan through the moose head’s mesh eyes during her valedictory speech, which she delivered in character. “When Yale asked for leadership examples, I showed them footage of me leading the freshman class in moose calls during fire drills.” The costume’s disappearance had been blamed on rival schools until Khan’s acceptance letter arrived with a handwritten note: “We appreciate unconventional thinkers. Please do not bring the moose to campus.”
The incident has sparked controversy, with underclassmen now planning increasingly elaborate application stunts. One sophomore was recently caught trying to submit a Common App essay written entirely in cafeteria pizza grease, while another replaced all recommendation letters with Yelp reviews from teachers. Memorial’s guidance department has since issued new rules: “No live animals in application videos” and “Mascot theft counts as community service hours.”
