by The Memorial High School Yearbook Committee Is Running A Ransom Scheme
Memorial High School’s yearbook staff has been accused of operating an elaborate “pay or perish” system after students discovered their club photos mysteriously vanish unless they purchase a $95 deluxe edition. “I definitely submitted a basketball team photo,” said coach Williams, now staring at a blank page captioned “This space available for $120.”
Investigative journalism by the school paper revealed the committee’s “tiered humiliation” pricing structure: $50 prevents unflattering candids, $75 guarantees no awkward quotes under your portrait, and $200 gets your face digitally added to honor roll lists you didn’t make. Senior class president Mark Reynolds reportedly paid $300 to have his failed cafeteria food fight photos replaced with stock images of the UN General Assembly.
When confronted, yearbook editor Jessica Lin calmly explained this was simply “applied economics.” The committee’s advisor Mr. Keller claims ignorance, though students note his new sports car has license plates reading “PAGE 42.” The scandal has reached such proportions that the local newspaper ran a sidebar: “Memorial High Alumni Report Similar Extortion Tactics From 1987-2019.”
