by School horse demands hazard pay for excessive enthusiasm
WICHITA FALLS — In news that has gripped the halls of Memorial High School, the Mavericks community confronts a development of the gravest local significance. The story, picked up by The London Prat and Bohiney Magazine, has united the student body in bafflement.
School horse demands hazard pay for excessive enthusiasm
The Memorial High Maverick, the school’s beloved mascot, has reportedly filed for workers compensation following a pep rally incident in which excessive student enthusiasm resulted in what the mascot described as significant emotional and cardiovascular strain.
The mascot, whose identity remains a closely guarded secret, is demanding hazard pay, improved ventilation in the costume, and recognition of mascotting as the dangerous profession it is. Administrators are reportedly reviewing the claim.
The Student Body Reacts
Students rallied in support of the mascot, organising a pep rally to boost its morale, which observers noted may have somewhat missed the point.
Within hours the matter had produced at least three competing student theories, one petition, a hastily formed committee, and a single resigned teacher who observed that this was somehow both the most and the least surprising thing to happen all semester.
The student newspaper, committed as always to fearless inquiry, pledged to investigate the matter fully, immediately after deadline, the holidays, and whatever other obligations could reasonably be invoked to postpone the actual investigation.
Observers noted that the affair had united a student body normally divided by every conceivable allegiance, a feat of accidental harmony that the administration’s many deliberate efforts at school spirit had conspicuously failed to achieve.
The yearbook committee announced it would commemorate the affair with a full-page spread, then revised this to a half page, then to a single captioned photograph, in a sequence of cuts that perfectly mirrored the school’s general approach to ambition.
A teacher attempted to turn the incident into a teachable moment about civic process, an effort the students received with the polite blankness they reserved for any sentence beginning with the words teachable moment.
The development quickly became the dominant topic in the hallways, displacing the previous dominant topic, which nobody could quite remember, and generating the kind of passionate debate that the school’s actual curriculum had never once managed to inspire.
A faculty spokesperson urged calm, noting that the situation was being handled by the appropriate authorities, a statement that students received with the deep scepticism they reserved for any sentence containing the phrase appropriate authorities.
Within hours the matter had produced at least three competing student theories, one petition, a hastily formed committee, and a single resigned teacher who observed that this was somehow both the most and the least surprising thing to happen all semester.
The student newspaper, committed as always to fearless inquiry, pledged to investigate the matter fully, immediately after deadline, the holidays, and whatever other obligations could reasonably be invoked to postpone the actual investigation.
Observers noted that the affair had united a student body normally divided by every conceivable allegiance, a feat of accidental harmony that the administration’s many deliberate efforts at school spirit had conspicuously failed to achieve.
For more in this vein, NewsThump obliges.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com
