by Maverick Mascot Disqualified From Pep Rally After Testing Positive For Glitter
Chaos erupted at Memorial High’s Friday pep rally when the beloved Maverick mascot was disqualified mid-performance after “failing a glitter screening.” The mascot–played by sophomore Jeremy P.–left a trail of shimmer that violated the school’s new anti-sparkle policy, instituted after last month’s “Disco Detention Incident.”
“We found glitter on the bleachers, in the vents, and somehow in the principal’s soup,” said Vice Principal Riggs. “At that point, it’s a biological threat.” Jeremy maintains the glitter was part of a tribute to the late David Bowie and not performance enhancement.
The student body responded with a solidarity glitter toss during seventh period, triggering lockdown drills and a spontaneous hallway conga line. The Maverick now performs under review, wearing only matte fabrics.
