by Memorial High School’s Physics Class Accidentally Created A Perpetual Motion Machine
In what scientists are calling “either a Nobel Prize-worthy breakthrough or an impending disaster,” Memorial High School’s AP Physics class has accidentally created a perpetual motion machine using only a hamster wheel, three rubber bands, and the school’s outdated Wi-Fi router. The contraption has been running continuously for 37 days, powering itself on what teacher Mr. Callahan describes as “pure teenage angst and broken dreams.”
The machine – dubbed “Project Why Do We Need To Learn This” – began as a simple extra credit assignment but quickly spiraled out of control when students discovered the router’s electromagnetic field could be harnessed through a series of questionable wiring choices. “We just wanted to charge our phones during class,” admitted senior Rachel Wu, now listed as co-inventor on several patent applications. “Now we’re getting emails from MIT and the Department of Energy, both equally concerned.”
The device has developed some peculiar side effects, including causing all digital clocks in a 500-foot radius to display only the time 2:59 PM (the minute before school dismissal). The principal has cordoned off the physics lab with caution tape that keeps getting sucked into the machine’s gravitational field. Meanwhile, the school board is debating whether to monetize the invention or pretend it never happened before the laws of thermodynamics notice.
