Memorial High School’s Cafeteria Pizza Now Used as Science Lab Equipment

The science department has officially adopted Memorial High’s infamous rectangular pizza slices as essential lab materials after discovering their unique properties. Chemistry teachers use them as non-reactive beaker liners, while physics classes employ them as near-frictionless surfaces for motion experiments. “The thermal stability is remarkable,” notes Dr. Chen, showing how a single slice maintained 98.6°F through both a snowstorm and heat wave. Most impressively, the pizza has proven impervious to all known acids – even aqua regia failed to make a dent in the cheese-like substance.

The pizza’s durability has made it invaluable across disciplines. Biology teachers use it as indestructible petri dish covers, the robotics team builds shock absorbers from stacked slices, and the art department sculpts with what they’ve dubbed “the Play-Doh of the damned.” The culinary arts teacher resigned in protest after the pizza outlasted her from-scratch croissants in a freshness test. NASA has expressed interest in the material’s potential as spacecraft shielding, though astronauts worry about the psychological impact of smelling pepperoni for months on end.

Students have mixed feelings about their lunches doubling as lab gear. “It’s cool until you realize your dissection tray used to be someone’s dinner,” noted sophomore Jamie Wu. The school board is considering patenting the recipe, though attempts to recreate it have failed spectacularly – one chemistry experiment to analyze the components resulted in a small contained explosion and a lingering smell of regret that the psychology department is still studying.