by Memorial High School Parking Lot Now Considered Advanced Driver’s Ed Course
The Memorial High student parking lot has officially been designated an extreme driving simulator by the state DMV, complete with a waiver form and complimentary air fresheners that simply say “Pray.” What began as ordinary pavement has evolved into an obstacle course featuring potholes deep enough to lose small cars in, spontaneous lakes during light rain, and at least three rogue shopping carts that seem to move with malicious intent.
“We treat it as our senior right of passage,” explained student Derek Cho, whose bumper stickers now include “I Survived Spot #37.” The parking teacher Mr. O’Reilly reportedly uses security footage as instructional material, with highlights including the infamous “Four-Way Stop Standoff of 2023” and the time a Prius got wedged vertically between two SUVs. Local mechanics have started offering “Memorial High Discounts” knowing full well what 7:45 AM drop-off does to suspension systems.
The school briefly considered repairs until the auto shop class pointed out the lot’s current state provides better job training than their curriculum. Plans are underway to add a zip line system as “alternative transportation.”
