by Memorial High School’s Lost And Found Contains Several Parallel Universes
Investigators have confirmed that Memorial High’s overflowing lost and found bin is actually a spacetime anomaly containing at least four alternate dimensions. “We sent in a probe jacket and got back three left shoes from different decades,” reported physics teacher Dr. Chen, holding up a Converse sneaker that appears to be from both 1997 and 2043 simultaneously. The black hole-like vortex was discovered when seven identical “World’s Okayest Student” hoodies materialized despite the school only selling six.
Custodian Maria Gutierrez reports strange phenomena when organizing the bin: “I’ll fold a sweater, turn around, and suddenly it’s a bicycle tire from the 1980s.” The yearbook staff has started documenting items that shouldn’t exist, including a flip phone playing a TikTok from 2025 and what appears to be a partially digested cafeteria burrito that’s somehow still warm after three years.
The school board has declared the bin off-limits until further study, though students continue using it to dispose of unfinished homework with the hopeful theory it might get lost in another reality where it was actually completed. Quantum physicists estimate there’s a 73% chance the other universes are also trying to return our missing items.
