Guidance Office Installs Mood Ring Scanner To Prioritize Appointments

by Annabelle BransfordFebruary 1, 2025

Guidance Office Installs Mood Ring Scanner To Prioritize Appointments

In a bold new initiative to streamline overwhelmed support services, Memorial High’s guidance office has installed a “Mood Ring Scanner” at the entrance. Students are required to insert a finger and wait for a color-coded ranking–blue for chill, red for panic, and black for “existential crisis, proceed with snacks.”

“We just don’t have time to guess who’s spiraling,” said Mrs. Keane, the school’s only counselor not on leave. “The ring doesn’t lie. Except during finals week. Then it just smokes.”

One student reported being bumped in line by a peer whose ring glowed purple and triggered a fire alarm. The system is already being tested by other departments, including the nurse’s office and cafeteria line. Teachers are calling it “efficient,” while students refer to it as “emotional TSA.”

Annabelle Bransford

Hi, I’m Annabelle Bransford, Memorial High School’s unofficial satirist-in-residence and proud founder of The Daily Detention—a publication so edgy it’s been banned twice and resurrected three times, like a sassy phoenix with a flair for detention slips. I write satire because someone has to hold the line between cafeteria chaos and gym class tyranny. Whether I’m exposing the secret emotional feud between our Algebra teacher and Euclid, or investigating why the pep rally feels like an ancient ritual sacrifice, I try to speak truth to hallway power. Sure, I’ve been called “disruptive,” but mostly by people who wear lanyards unironically. My work has been read by at least two janitors, my entire AP English class, and one substitute teacher who thought it was a cry for help. I consider that range. When I’m not sharpening my wit, I’m dodging group projects, winning banned book club trivia, or mentoring the school's AI Isn’t Funny Club (membership: just me and 17 bots I’ve emotionally manipulated). I’m also a National Merit Semi-Finalist, certified eye-roller at Student Government meetings, and the only girl in school who’s been accused of “weaponizing irony.” My goals? Keep writing, keep laughing, and one day publish a satirical exposé called Yearbook Superlatives and Other Lies. If you want something sugarcoated, try the bake sale. If you want the truth with a punchline, I’m your girl. I've landed a sweet job at Bohiney Magazine, so don't bother me. EMAIL: annabelle@bohiney.com

View all posts by Annabelle Bransford →