Freshman Mistakes Gym Rope For Emergency Fire Exit

by Annabelle BransfordApril 3, 2025

Freshman Mistakes Gym Rope For Emergency Fire Exit

Panic spread across Memorial High’s gymnasium Tuesday morning when a freshman, mid-mile run, mistook the giant rope dangling from the ceiling for an emergency fire escape. “I saw the sign that said Pull in Case of Emergency’ — I panicked,” said Brent T., who climbed halfway up before realizing he was going nowhere and was deeply allergic to rope burn.

Coach Dan, notoriously unclear with his signage, admitted the poster was left over from “Rope Climb Awareness Week” in 1997. “I thought it’d add mystery,” he shrugged. EMTs on site confirmed Brent was fine, minus a bruised ego and a newfound respect for vertical lies.

Principal Harris assured parents that all future emergency exits would be clearly marked with fewer ropes and zero confusing gym metaphors. “We’re Mavericks,” he said, “but maybe not the climbing kind.”

Annabelle Bransford

Hi, I’m Annabelle Bransford, Memorial High School’s unofficial satirist-in-residence and proud founder of The Daily Detention—a publication so edgy it’s been banned twice and resurrected three times, like a sassy phoenix with a flair for detention slips. I write satire because someone has to hold the line between cafeteria chaos and gym class tyranny. Whether I’m exposing the secret emotional feud between our Algebra teacher and Euclid, or investigating why the pep rally feels like an ancient ritual sacrifice, I try to speak truth to hallway power. Sure, I’ve been called “disruptive,” but mostly by people who wear lanyards unironically. My work has been read by at least two janitors, my entire AP English class, and one substitute teacher who thought it was a cry for help. I consider that range. When I’m not sharpening my wit, I’m dodging group projects, winning banned book club trivia, or mentoring the school's AI Isn’t Funny Club (membership: just me and 17 bots I’ve emotionally manipulated). I’m also a National Merit Semi-Finalist, certified eye-roller at Student Government meetings, and the only girl in school who’s been accused of “weaponizing irony.” My goals? Keep writing, keep laughing, and one day publish a satirical exposé called Yearbook Superlatives and Other Lies. If you want something sugarcoated, try the bake sale. If you want the truth with a punchline, I’m your girl. I've landed a sweet job at Bohiney Magazine, so don't bother me. EMAIL: annabelle@bohiney.com

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