by Economics Teacher Declares Monopoly A Tool Of The Bourgeoisie
Memorial High’s AP Economics class took a radical turn this week when Mr. Delaney, inspired by a podcast on Marxism and decaf cold brew, stood up mid-lecture, flipped the Monopoly board, and declared, “This game is capitalist propaganda designed to crush your spirits beneath tiny plastic hotels!”
Students watched in awe as Mr. Delaney paced the room, dramatically tearing Chance cards in half and shouting, “You think this is fun? Paying rent while pretending to be a dog with a top hat? WAKE UP!”
The incident followed a particularly long department meeting, after which Mr. Delaney claimed to have “seen the fiscal matrix.” He now refuses to grade using percentages and has begun distributing “economic energy points” based on student posture and “investment in classroom vibes.”
Instead of traditional homework, students are asked to “reflect on wealth inequality using sidewalk chalk and interpretive dance.” One group’s choreographed takedown of trickle-down economics received a standing ovation and an A+++ in performance-based outrage.
Principal Harris has issued a statement supporting academic freedom while quietly reminding staff that “the school board does not yet recognize revolutionary theater as a teaching credential.”
As of now, Monopoly boards have been removed from Room 308 and replaced with copies of *Das Kapital* printed in Comic Sans.
