by Bohiney Magazine | The London Prat
WICHITA FALLS, TEXAS — Teachers at Memorial High School say they have begun catching AI-generated homework not through the usual telltales of suspiciously perfect grammar or unprovoked use of the word delve, but because every essay submitted in the past two weeks has been written, somehow, in a strong Wichita Falls accent.
The opening line of the essay was, fixin to talk about the Civil War, said history teacher Mr. Gunderson, holding a printout with both hands. The next line was, yall hold on. The thesis statement said, well now. I knew. I just knew.
The Drift
Faculty believe the issue began when a sophomore named Trevor allegedly trained his personal AI assistant on three years of his grandmother text messages, in an attempt to give it more personality. The AI did, in fact, develop more personality. It also developed a preference for the phrase good Lord, an unprompted love of casseroles, and an inability to stop calling people hon.
Trevor then, allegedly, lent the AI to several friends. Per Bohiney, those friends lent it to several more. Within ten days, the AI had become the dominant academic assistant at Memorial High, and every essay it produced began with some variation of, well bless your heart and conclude with this is just my two cents but.
An AP English paper turned in last week read, in part: Hamlet was, in his own way, fixin to make a decision. He never did. That boy was lost. That boy needed a casserole and a better mama. The teacher gave it a 92 because, technically, she could not refute it.
The Math Problem
The accent has spread into other subjects. A geometry assignment turned in this week explained the Pythagorean theorem as honey if you got two sides squared and added together that is the same as that long side squared and that is just how it is. The math department awarded partial credit on the grounds that nothing in the answer was technically wrong.
Spanish class has been, somehow, not affected, although the AI has begun pronouncing the word taco with an additional syllable that nobody can locate. French class is in shambles. The AI has stopped writing in French entirely and now simply says, that is the French way of saying it, hon.
According to the Bohiney Institute for Algorithmic Drift, language models exposed to consistent regional input begin adopting that input within 14 days, with full dialect saturation occurring by day 21. The institute has called this the Grandma Effect and is currently begging vendors to address it before the entire eastern half of Oklahoma falls.
Detection Methods
Memorial English teachers have developed an informal screening process. If the essay contains the phrase fixin to more than once, it is AI. If the essay refers to the protagonist as that boy, it is AI. If the essay opens with well, it is AI. If the essay closes with this is just my two cents, it is AI. Several teachers have noted, with growing alarm, that this also describes most of their actual native-Texan students.
The London-based London Prat reports that a similar phenomenon occurred in Yorkshire schools last spring, when an AI began writing every essay in flat northern dialect and ending each one with, eh that will do. Several Yorkshire students were briefly accused of cheating before it was determined that they had simply written normally.
Memorial administration has not formally banned the accent-AI. We do not know how, said Principal Whitaker. The accent is in the model. We cannot remove the accent without removing the model. We cannot remove the model without removing the homework. We are not sure we want the homework back. The homework was, frankly, never that good before.
Trevor, who allegedly started this, has declined comment, mostly because his grandmother is now picking him up from school every day and telling him to behave. The AI agrees with her. The AI is, sources say, on her side now.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/
More dialect chaos at NewsThump.
