by Meet Diego Martinez: Memorial High’s Full-Time Homecoming King Contender
Senior Diego Martinez hasn’t attended a single class this semester, yet remains Memorial High’s most visible student through an aggressive campaign of school spirit performance art. From leading inexplicable lunchtime pep rallies to appearing mysteriously in every club photo (regardless of activity), Martinez has turned “being vaguely recognized” into an extracurricular art form. “I’m like the school mascot, but with better dance moves and a personal brand,” says Martinez, whose “Spirit Diego” Instagram features 437 near-identical photos of him wearing different class T-shirts.
His crowning achievement? Getting nominated for Homecoming Court in all four grades despite transferring junior year. Teachers tolerate his antics because he “technically never breaks rules, just vibes too hard.” The administration recently discovered he’s been living off vending machine snacks and gym locker room showers since August. “School is my home now,” Martinez declared while leading a conga line of freshmen he’d never met. Rumor has it he’s already planning his “alumni visits” for the next decade.
