by Parents Form Support Group For Teens Who Just Discovered Nietzsche
A new support group has sprung up in the Memorial High community for parents struggling with the emotional fallout of their teenagers reading philosophy–specifically, Nietzsche. Titled “Beyond Parent and Teen,” the group meets weekly in the library multipurpose room and serves coffee, tissues, and earplugs.
“It started when my daughter told me love was a delusion invented by weak minds,” said founding member Cynthia D. “Now she wears a trench coat and calls bedtime a capitalist construct.'” Other parents report similar symptoms: dramatic sighing, candlelit journaling, and random declarations that “God is dead” over breakfast cereal.
The school’s philosophy teacher insists this phase is natural. “Around mid-semester, they stop turning in homework and start debating fate with the janitor. That’s growth.” One dad claimed his son tried to replace their Wi-Fi password with a quote from The Birth of Tragedy.
The group’s most recent meeting featured guest speaker and former goth, Mrs. Carol V., who assured everyone that “this too shall pass–right after they move on to Camus.” In the meantime, the school’s guidance office is offering nihilism-safe zones and beginner’s meditation playlists.
“We’re Mavericks,” said Principal Harris, “but no one warned us they’d read *Thus Spoke Zarathustra* and then throw their backpack into a ravine.”
