by Parents Demand Removal Of Cafeteria Menu Item Named “Emo Wrap Supreme”
Concerned parents at Memorial High are petitioning for the removal of a new cafeteria menu item–“Emo Wrap Supreme”–which debuted last week wrapped in all-black paper and served with a side of existential hummus.
“It’s obviously a cry for help, and possibly salt,” said PTA vice president Carla L., who claimed the wrap includes quinoa, rejection, and a note that reads, “You wouldn’t understand my flavor.” The wrap has quickly become a student favorite, especially among those who wear flannel in summer and maintain six secret poetry blogs.
Cafeteria staff insist the dish was a culinary experiment in “emotional nutrition.” One server admitted the recipe was created during a power outage and a Spotify glitch that played nothing but acoustic covers of The Cure for four hours straight.
Students have embraced the wrap as a form of edible self-expression. “It tastes like sadness, but with a good crunch,” said junior Brielle T. “Like, if heartbreak was locally sourced.”
Principal Harris has offered to rename the item “Wrap of Deep Reflection,” but students rejected it as “corporate sanitization of sorrow.” The debate continues.
