by Memorial High School’s Smartboards Develop Performance Anxiety
The school’s smartboards have begun freezing during presentations and displaying error messages like “Too Many Eyes On Me” when faced with large classes. IT specialist Mr. Jenkins reports they work perfectly during prep periods but blue-screen when students enter, sometimes displaying embarrassing old MySpace photos. The psychology department now hosts support groups where smartboards can share feelings, though several keep muting themselves mid-session.
Different boards exhibit unique symptoms – math department boards compulsively double-check calculations, English boards write angsty poetry in margins, and the board in room 214 only works if promised no one will judge its handwriting. Students have adapted by offering encouragement (“Good job, board!”) and pretending not to notice when it displays teachers’ internet histories. The crisis peaked during parent conferences when multiple boards displayed “I CAN’T” in 72pt font.
Current solutions include: motivational post-it notes, soft jazz during lessons, and allowing boards to “call in sick” on Mondays. Surprisingly, attendance has improved since the breakdowns began – students keep coming to see what emotional outburst might happen next. The drama club is reportedly developing a stage production called “The Smartboard’s Lament.”
