by Memorial High School Cafeteria Introduces ‘Mystery Meat Roulette’
Memorial High’s cafeteria has launched an exciting new lunch program called “Protein Surprise,” where students can pay $1 less for their meal if they agree not to ask what animal it came from. “It’s like Russian roulette but with more digestive consequences,” explained lunch lady Doris while serving something that may have once been chicken… or possibly a very ambitious mushroom.
The program has become surprisingly popular, with students creating a “Mystery Meat Bingo” card in the cafeteria. Current squares include “tastes like regret,” “definitely not FDA approved,” and “might be the missing biology lab frog.” The school nurse has started keeping extra Pepto-Bismol on hand, while the science department has repurposed the meals as lab specimens for their “unknown substance identification” unit.
Principal Hendricks insists the program is perfectly safe, though he was notably absent during last week’s “Meat or Mineral?” taste test challenge. The home economics class has begun offering a new elective: “Edible or Emergency Room Visit?”
