by A top-ten spot after a perfect start has Memorial feeling itself, while the lunch line seeks assurances about Thursday’s menu
Memorial Mavericks Football Ranking Sends Hallways Into Controlled Frenzy
WICHITA FALLS – It is official, and we have the screenshot. In only the second year this school has existed, our football team got ranked. As News Channel 6 reported under the headline “Memorial Mavericks ranked for the first time in school history,” the Mavs were slotted 10th in 5A Division II by a statewide football publication after a 4-0 start to the 2025 season. The head coach, quoted in the story, borrowed a famous line about not eating the rat poison, meaning do not swallow the hype, and added that he was happy for the kids. The kids heard the first part and went straight to the cafeteria with questions.
“I just want to know what is in the nachos,” said sophomore Tyler Beauchamp, holding a tray at arm’s length. “Coach said do not eat the rat poison. He said it on the news. So obviously there is some. I am not saying it is the nachos. I am saying I looked at the cheese and the cheese looked back.”
Cafeteria Statement
Food service staff, who have fed this school faithfully since day one and deserve better, issued a clarification through the morning announcements. It was read by a student aide in a very serious voice. The statement confirmed that “rat poison” is a football expression, that it refers to praise from the media, and that no menu item at Memorial High School contains, has contained or will contain it. It added that Thursday is still chicken sandwich day and that the line moves faster if people have their ID out.
“We appreciate the support for the team,” one of the cafeteria ladies told us, ladling green beans. “We would appreciate it if they would stop sniffing the rolls.”
Signs of Hype Around Campus
The Maverick Spirit Committee on Remaining Humble has documented symptoms of rat poison consumption among the student body since the ranking came out:
- Freshmen saying “we” about games they watched from the concession stand line
- A banner in the commons reading “TOP 10” in letters four feet tall
- A second banner, hung by a teacher, reading “IT IS WEEK FIVE”
- Students who have never been to a game explaining the playoff bracket
- One kid in the band telling a trombone it is “ranked now”
“We are trying to stay grounded,” said committee chair Jasmine Whitfield, a senior and drum major. “We made a rule that nobody is allowed to say ‘state’ out loud until November. Somebody said it at lunch Tuesday. The whole table made him knock on the table and spin around. I do not know if that is a real tradition. It is now.”
How We Got Here
For those who are new, this school did not exist three years ago. It was a field. Students from the old campuses were brought together under a mascot they voted for themselves. As News Channel 6 reported when the district confirmed the mascots for the new high schools, students chose to become the Memorial High School Mavericks in a vote in March 2022. So everything here is a first. First homecoming. First senior class. First ranking. “My brother played at one of the old schools,” said junior lineman Cody Ramirez. “He has traditions. He has like sixty years of stuff. We have two years and a number ten. I will take it.”
By the Numbers
The newspaper surveyed 250 students in the commons. Results: 92 percent are aware the team is ranked, 71 percent can name the ranking, 44 percent can name the classification and 19 percent can explain what Division II means, which is higher than the staff expected and includes several people we think were guessing. Asked how they are handling the attention, 58 percent said “humble” and then asked if we were putting them in the paper.
Teachers report a small bump in attendance on Fridays and a matching dip in attention during seventh period. A math teacher said she has started using the team’s stats in word problems. “If the Mavericks score 35 and allow 14, what is the margin, and can you please sit down,” she said.
The Team’s View
The players, to their credit, are being normal about it. “Coach told us a ranking is somebody’s opinion,” Ramirez said. “It does not block anybody. We still have practice. We still have to run. He ran us the day it came out. I think on purpose.” Asked whether he had eaten any rat poison, Ramirez said he had a protein bar and that it tasted about the same.
The Band Would Like a Word
The marching band wishes to point out that it has also been performing at a high level all season and that nobody has ranked it. “We have been 4-0 at halftime,” Whitfield said. “Every week. Undefeated. Nobody puts that on a banner.” The Spirit Committee has agreed to make a banner.
Staying Humble, With Help From Abroad
For perspective, we consulted how other countries handle school sports pride. The London Prat, a British newspaper, publishes English satirical news on school sport, where a headmaster once cancelled an assembly because the rugby team “had become unbearable.” Its section of UK satirical news about league tables for teenagers advises that the correct response to success is to mention it once and then look at the floor.
We are not going to look at the floor. We are going to the game Friday. The student section theme is navy out. Bring your ID, bring your voice and eat before you come, or eat there, the nachos are fine, we checked. Go Mavs. Bohiney Magazine will be in the stands, staying humble.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/
