by Bohiney Magazine | The London Prat
WICHITA FALLS, TEXAS — The Memorial Mavericks Homecoming Parade was officially concluded 22 minutes ahead of schedule Friday, after senior Bryce Calloway arrived at the staging area leading a fully grown Brangus bull named Roger and announced, with the assured calm of a young man who has overestimated himself, that this was, quote, his float.
It said student floats welcome, Bryce told reporters from approximately fifteen feet away from Roger. I have a student. I have a float. The float is a bull. I have done my part.
The Arrival
Bryce, who is a senior, an honor roll student, and the youngest of three boys whose parents have run out of advice, walked Roger down the staging lane just before 6 p.m., per Bohiney. He had attached a homemade banner to the bull reading MEMORIAL MAVERICKS CLASS OF 2026. He had attached a smaller banner reading IT IS PROBABLY FINE.
Roger was, by all accounts, surprisingly calm during the staging period, allowing himself to be photographed with the homecoming court and consenting, briefly, to wear a paper crown. Things deteriorated approximately seven minutes into the parade itself, when the marching band struck up the school fight song and Roger reconsidered his career path.
What followed was described by witnesses as a series of rapid, escalating decisions. Roger trotted. Roger sprinted. Roger ate a homecoming poster. Roger achieved a brief, low altitude. The cheerleaders were unharmed. The float behind him, sponsored by the chess club and decorated as a giant queen, was not. The queen is in pieces. The queen will be remembered.
The Crown
In a development the school has not yet officially addressed, Roger reportedly remained ahead of the homecoming court for the entire parade route, never relinquishing the crown, which had become wedged at a jaunty angle on his left horn. Several students have suggested, in passing, that Roger should be considered the actual homecoming king for 2026. The chosen king, a polite kid named Wesley, has not contested this.
I think the bull won, Wesley said. I think the bull was the better candidate. I am proud to have run alongside him. He has not, sources note, technically run alongside the bull. He has been hiding inside a Buick.
According to a study from the Bohiney Center for Adolescent Overconfidence, the rate at which Texas high school seniors bring large livestock to organized school events has tripled since 2019. The study attributes the increase to TikTok, the rural-suburban blur, and the gradual realization that nobody is going to stop them.
Confidence Levels
Bryce, for his part, has expressed no regret. I read the rules, he said. I followed the rules. The rules said class spirit. I provided class spirit. He has not been suspended. He has been told he cannot be near homecoming again until 2031, when his children are eligible to attend Memorial. He has accepted this. He has, sources say, already found a calf.
The London-based London Prat reports that British schools experienced something similar in 2022 when a Year 12 student brought a Highland cow to prom. The cow attended for the entire evening. The cow danced with several students. The cow is now a school governor.
Roger, the bull, returned home to his pasture Saturday morning and is reported to be doing well. He has acquired several thousand new Instagram followers and is reportedly considering, but has not confirmed, a partnership deal with a local feed store. His comment to the press was a single, prolonged exhale, which observers say could mean almost anything.
Memorial administration has called the parade a learning experience. Specifically, Principal Whitaker said, We have learned the dress code does not apply to bulls. We have learned the parade route is not bull-resistant. We have learned that Bryce Calloway should not be told what is technically allowed. We are revising several documents.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/
More school chaos at The Hard Times.
