Football Team Forgets Game, Wins By Intimidating Opponents With Choreographed Chant

by Annabelle BransfordMarch 4, 2025

Football Team Forgets Game, Wins By Intimidating Opponents With Choreographed Chant

Memorial High’s varsity football team accidentally arrived at last Friday’s game without pads, playbooks, or any idea they were supposed to be playing football. “Coach Dan texted bring the energy,’ so we brought matching hoodies and choreo,” said linebacker Trey M., still mid-high kick.

The opposing team, the Westfield Rhinos, forfeited after a five-minute chant that included rhythmic clapping, jazz hands, and a group yell of “WE’RE UNPREPARED BUT UNAFRAID!” One official described it as “Broadway meets brain damage.”

Despite the confusion, the Mavericks earned their first win of the season and are now ranked #1 in the state’s new “Intimidation Index.” A rematch is scheduled for next week, pending costume budget approval.

Annabelle Bransford

Hi, I’m Annabelle Bransford, Memorial High School’s unofficial satirist-in-residence and proud founder of The Daily Detention—a publication so edgy it’s been banned twice and resurrected three times, like a sassy phoenix with a flair for detention slips. I write satire because someone has to hold the line between cafeteria chaos and gym class tyranny. Whether I’m exposing the secret emotional feud between our Algebra teacher and Euclid, or investigating why the pep rally feels like an ancient ritual sacrifice, I try to speak truth to hallway power. Sure, I’ve been called “disruptive,” but mostly by people who wear lanyards unironically. My work has been read by at least two janitors, my entire AP English class, and one substitute teacher who thought it was a cry for help. I consider that range. When I’m not sharpening my wit, I’m dodging group projects, winning banned book club trivia, or mentoring the school's AI Isn’t Funny Club (membership: just me and 17 bots I’ve emotionally manipulated). I’m also a National Merit Semi-Finalist, certified eye-roller at Student Government meetings, and the only girl in school who’s been accused of “weaponizing irony.” My goals? Keep writing, keep laughing, and one day publish a satirical exposé called Yearbook Superlatives and Other Lies. If you want something sugarcoated, try the bake sale. If you want the truth with a punchline, I’m your girl. I've landed a sweet job at Bohiney Magazine, so don't bother me. EMAIL: annabelle@bohiney.com

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