by The School Nurse Distributes Candy Like A Cartel Drug Lord
A complex hierarchy has emerged around the school nurse’s coveted “feel better” lollipops, with students reporting elaborate favor-trading schemes to access the good flavors. “The green ones are basically currency,” confessed sophomore Diego Martinez, currently holding three grape lollipops as collateral for borrowed homework. The nurse’s office now features a “flavor of the day” whiteboard and an unspoken understanding that red = emergency situations only.
The black market has grown so sophisticated that:
- Chocolate coins require a hall pass “donation”
- Sugar-free options are used as punishment
- The rare “double sucker” can buy test answers
Teachers pretend not to notice the underground economy, though several have been spotted lingering near the nurse’s office with suspiciously minor complaints. The principal recently announced a crackdown, but everyone knows he’s just bitter because he only rates the butterscotch discs.
