Memorial High School’s Detention Program Now Offers College Credit

Memorial High’s detention hall has been accredited as a three-credit “Applied Behavioral Philosophy” course through a partnership with the local community college. The curriculum includes graded modules on strategic desk-sleeping (extra credit for convincing snoring), non-verbal protest techniques (judged on creativity), and excuse note composition (evaluated by forensic document examiners). “We’re recognizing real-world skills,” explained Principal Hendricks while signing his own detention slip for napping during a faculty meeting.

The program’s popularity exploded when students realized it satisfied both social studies and PE requirements (thanks to the “hallway pacing” unit). Current enrollment includes 42 “repeat offenders” pursuing detention minors, including senior Jason Wu who perfected getting sentenced during other classes. The psychology department studies surveillance footage of rebellion patterns, while the business teacher uses the thriving black market for forged hall passes as an economics case study.

Notable features include peer mentoring between experienced and novice detainees, a “Detention Olympics” with events like silent chair-stacking, and weekly guest lectures from reformed troublemakers. The program has been so successful that neighboring schools are implementing versions, though Memorial High retains its edge with “AP Detention” where students must get expelled and reinstated twice per semester. The only complaint? The hall’s WiFi mysteriously blocks educational sites while allowing unlimited gaming – a “technical glitch” the IT department claims they’re fixing.