by Algebra Students Protest Existence Of Letters In Math With Interpretive Chanting
Dozens of Memorial High students staged a silent but rhythmic protest this week against what they call the “alphabetical oppression” found in Algebra I. Organized by a group calling themselves XENO–X Equals Nothing Obviously–the demonstration took place during second period, just as Mr. Gilman attempted to introduce quadratic equations.
“We are being forced to find X when X clearly doesn’t want to be found,” said sophomore Darius T. “It’s a toxic codependent relationship.” Protesters sat cross-legged in the hallway, forming geometric shapes while whispering “solve yourself” in unison. One student wore a sign reading, “Letters Belong In English.”
Faculty reactions were mixed. Mr. Gilman insisted variables were “fundamental to the human condition,” while the art teacher joined in, shouting, “Y is a lie!”
The movement spread quickly. Students began rejecting all unknowns, including unscheduled fire drills and cafeteria meat. A petition to replace algebra with “applied interpretive dance” gained 300 signatures and one ambiguous nod from the district superintendent.
As of Friday, the administration has agreed to trial a new elective titled “Alternative Math Expressions,” taught by the guidance counselor, a yoga instructor, and a former Numbers Bee runner-up named Kendra.
