August 5, 2026

Counseling Office Now Offers Breakup Baking Workshops, Cookies Over Crying

Counseling Office Now Offers Breakup Baking Workshops, Cookies Over Crying

In response to a surge of freshman tears and senior slow-burn heartbreak, Memorial High’s counseling office has launched a new program: Breakup Baking Workshops. Led by Mrs. Keane and guest appearance therapist-baker Mr. Ramos, the workshops teach students to channel romantic angst into edible art–prioritizing cookies over crying and cupcakes over catharsis.

Each session begins with a “heartbreak check-in,” where participants anonymously share breakup shards on laminated heart cards. Then the group moves to the kitchen classroom, donning aprons labeled “Mav Bakes Best” and learning to bake comfort treats like “Sour Patch Ex Girlfriend” lemon bars and “Chocolate Chip Closure” cookies. Recipe instructions emphasize mindful mixing and emotional kneading.

Therapeutic baking exercises are interwoven with guided discussions: “What does your dough need to rise?” and “How do we fold in forgiveness?” Students report surprising emotional breakthroughs mid-batch. One sophomore broke into sobs while glazing a batch of “Tear-Drop Tarts,” only to end the workshop with a genuine smile after tasting her own handiwork.

Attendance has surged beyond the counseling office’s capacity. Sophomore Jamal H. said, “I thought it was a joke, but my cookie brain is calm now.” The school’s nutritionist is monitoring sugar intake, while the culinary club volunteers to donate extra ingredients and troubleshoot oven malfunctions when someone inadvertently sets timers to past midnight.

Parents have been invited to “Taste Your Teen’s Therapy,” sampling freshly baked goods and receiving a pamphlet on “When to Bake, When to Talk.” Several moms confessed they’d never seen their teens open up until they offered them a spatula. Dads, meanwhile, lined up for the “Chocolate-Chip Coping Combo” until the counseling office ran out of mixing bowls.

Workshops culminate in a “Bake & Break” showcase, where students present a final confection inspired by their personal journey–like “Cupcake Closure: When You Frost Your Feelings and Move On.” Awards include “Most Revelatory Recipe” and “Best Bitter-Sweet Dessert.” The most transformative creation to date: a dual-flavored cake half vanilla, half dark chocolate, symbolizing acceptance and letting go.

Principal Harris, sampling a mini “Scone of Solace,” praised the program: “If baking cookies can assuage teenage turmoil better than detention or pep talks, then bake on, Mavericks.” And with that, the counseling office has baked its way into the hearts–and stomachs–of every brokenhearted student on campus.

Annabelle Bransford

Hi, I’m Annabelle Bransford, Memorial High School’s unofficial satirist-in-residence and proud founder of The Daily Detention—a publication so edgy it’s been banned twice and resurrected three times, like a sassy phoenix with a flair for detention slips. I write satire because someone has to hold the line between cafeteria chaos and gym class tyranny. Whether I’m exposing the secret emotional feud between our Algebra teacher and Euclid, or investigating why the pep rally feels like an ancient ritual sacrifice, I try to speak truth to hallway power. Sure, I’ve been called “disruptive,” but mostly by people who wear lanyards unironically. My work has been read by at least two janitors, my entire AP English class, and one substitute teacher who thought it was a cry for help. I consider that range. When I’m not sharpening my wit, I’m dodging group projects, winning banned book club trivia, or mentoring the school's AI Isn’t Funny Club (membership: just me and 17 bots I’ve emotionally manipulated). I’m also a National Merit Semi-Finalist, certified eye-roller at Student Government meetings, and the only girl in school who’s been accused of “weaponizing irony.” My goals? Keep writing, keep laughing, and one day publish a satirical exposé called Yearbook Superlatives and Other Lies. If you want something sugarcoated, try the bake sale. If you want the truth with a punchline, I’m your girl. I've landed a sweet job at Bohiney Magazine, so don't bother me. EMAIL: annabelle@bohiney.com

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