Elon Musk: The Tech Casanova?

Elon Musk: The Web’s Worst Boyfriend or Tech Casanova?

Howdy, everybody! Welcome, welcome! You already know, I have been studying about Elon Musk in recent times. Oh, come on, you understand who he’s—the Tony Stark of genuine existence, the SpaceXplainer of all issues area, the… the Bitcoin tease. This man is so long run, I guess his diary is written on an iPad from 2040.

Existence with Mr. “I am Operating on Mars Colonization”

So, Elon simply had any other biography written about him. As a result of, you understand, one biography isn’t sufficient for a person who needs to colonize Mars. In it, Walter Isaacson describes how tough Elon is in relationships. And that is coming from somebody who hung out with Steve Jobs, so you understand he’s noticed some issues.

Simply consider relationship Elon. “Howdy, honey, wanna Netflix and kick back?” “Nah, let’s simply simulate a Mars touchdown. However you’ll be able to decide the planet subsequent time.” Put out of your mind dinner and a film; you might be signing up for quantum physics and SpaceX launches!

From Tesla to Dating Hell-sa

Elon’s exes say he is emotionally unstable. It seems that, he has a couple of modes—like one in all his Teslas. There may be “Kick back Elon,” “Workaholic Elon,” after which… “Demon Mode Elon.” In Demon Mode, he’s both launching a rocket or your feelings into the stratosphere.

His first spouse, Justine, mentioned that after they danced at their wedding, Elon whispered that he used to be the “alpha” within the dating. Alpha? The man named his child X Æ A-Xii, which seems like somebody smashed their head towards the keyboard and referred to as it a reputation.

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Asperger’s or Now not, That is a Lot

K, certain, Elon has Asperger’s, however does that make him ship a C-section photograph of Grimes to her whole circle of relatives? Although you will have Asperger’s, there must be a fundamental “Do not Do Silly Stuff” protocol hardwired to your mind someplace, proper?

And let’s now not put out of your mind, it is a man who doesn’t take holidays. As an alternative, he does “paintings sprints.” His concept of a holiday is almost definitely making you take a seat thru a 10-hour PowerPoint presentation in regards to the risks of AI whilst sipping on battery acid.

Remaining Remarks: Elon’s Cushy Aspect

Now, sooner than you assume I am simplest right here to roast Elon, let me say this: the person has a young aspect. Like when Talulah Riley’s buddy died, he flew to England simply to be along with her. It’s great. It’s more or less like when Godzilla stops destroying the town to puppy a kitten. It doesn’t make you put out of your mind in regards to the town, however aww, take a look at the little kitten!

Elon and Justine Wilson: The Alpha Tango

Ah, Elon’s first spouse, Justine Wilson! We’ve got all heard of the alpha male, however Elon took it to any other degree when he whispered to Justine that he used to be the “alpha” all through their first dance at their wedding. Wow, not anything screams romance like organising pack dominance at the dance ground!

You already know you might be in for a deal with when your wedding evening comes to phrases extra suited to a Nationwide Geographic documentary on wolves. “Honey, will you howl on the moon with me?”

Their dating used to be described as having “large arguments in public.” Ah sure, as a result of what might be extra romantic than shouting over rocket schematics at a pleasing eating place?

Believe this: The massive day has arrived. Elon Musk and Justine Wilson are status at the dance ground, surrounded through the smiling faces in their family members. The air is thick with romance and ambition—as a result of, let’s be truthful, with Elon Musk, there is at all times an underlying layer of ambition, even at his personal wedding. The primary dance starts, and what does the king of Tesla and SpaceX whisper into his bride’s ear? Now not “I really like you,” now not “You glance gorgeous,” however “I’m the alpha on this dating.”

Sure, women and gents, that is proper. Whilst maximum grooms are content material with a smooch and a dip, Elon’s already organising the pack hierarchy. I will be able to nearly pay attention David Attenborough’s voice narrating, “And right here, in his herbal habitat, we see the Alpha Male saying his position within the pack, a ritual hardly ever noticed in human courtship.”

But it surely does not finish there! Oh no. As a result of what is a wedding and not using a theme, proper? And for Elon and Justine, the theme appears to be “Nationwide Geographic: The Wolf Pack Version.” It is as though Elon checked out conventional wedding vows and concept, “Until loss of life do us phase? How about until the alpha calls?”

When you assume the wedding used to be a curler coaster, wait until you pay attention in regards to the public arguments. Ah, sure. Image your self taking part in a quiet dinner at a stylish joint. Cushy jazz within the background, your date seems gorgeous, after which from the nook of the room, you pay attention somebody yell, “I advised you, Justine, the rocket needs to be reusable!” Ah, candy nothings, however now not in reality.

Justine, to her credit score, is not one to backpedal. So she fires again, “Elon, for the affection of God, are we able to please speak about one thing instead of rockets for as soon as? How about we talk about who is putting off the trash this night?” To which Elon would retort, “Taking away the trash is a waste of human doable! That is a job for robots!” And the orchestra in their love continues, one argument at a time.

Ah, however regardless of all of the ups and downs, and the very, very public downs, those two controlled to create a existence in combination, no less than for some time. As a result of as everyone knows, Elon’s love for achieving new frontiers is not just restricted to SpaceX. On occasion, the ones new frontiers are new relationships.

Nonetheless, Elon and Justine gave us one thing to contemplate: Love is not just about affection or compatibility. On occasion, it is about discovering that particular somebody you’ll be able to argue with at a complicated eating place about whether or not a reusable rocket is a better human fulfillment than, say, understanding whose flip it’s to clean the dishes. Ah, trendy love!

Elon and Talulah Riley: Take Two and Motion

Then there used to be Talulah Riley. Married, divorced, after which re-married to Elon. It is like a tool replace. “We had a couple of insects within the first model of this marriage, let’s roll out Marriage 2.0 and hope it does not crash!”

Talulah as soon as mentioned that once her shut buddy died, Elon flew to England to be along with her. They “simply watched silly TV and laughed.” It’s a must to surprise, used to be the TV in fact silly or have been they gazing rocket launches long gone incorrect on a YouTube blooper reel?

Ah, the sequel we did not know we would have liked, however were given anyway. As a result of if you are Elon Musk, why prevent at launching rockets or electrical automobiles? Why now not relaunch a whole marriage?

It is like a Hollywood blockbuster: “Elon & Talulah: The Reboot.” Best this time, as a substitute of latest actors or a twist within the plot, it is the similar actors, similar plot, however with “malicious program fixes and function enhancements.” You already know, the type of tool replace that makes you assume, “Did the rest in fact alternate?”

“Marriage 1.0 used to be amusing,” you’ll be able to consider Elon pronouncing, “however have you ever attempted Marriage 2.0? Now with extra emotional bandwidth and higher balance in hostile prerequisites!” And someplace in a Silicon Valley convention room, a workforce of dating engineers are furiously coding the brand new model.

However you have to give it to them, they do have some romantic moments. Like when Talulah’s buddy kicked the bucket and Elon flew all of the method to England simply to be along with her. Ah, that is candy! What did they do? Watch “silly TV and giggle,” Talulah mentioned.

That leaves us questioning: What qualifies as “silly TV” within the Musk family? Had been they gazing fail compilations of folks’s rocket launches? You already know, sitting again, consuming popcorn, and Elon going, “Glance, Talulah! That isn’t the way you land a rocket! Hahaha!” Ah, not anything brings a pair nearer than failed aerospace engineering.

However regardless of their ups and downs, and the uninstall-reinstall procedure they went thru, Talulah and Elon gave it a cast pass. Their love tale is a testomony to the age-old adage, “If in the beginning you do not be triumphant, relaunch your marriage and spot if it sticks the second one time!”

Who is aware of, possibly 3rd time’s the appeal? With Elon, you by no means in reality know what is subsequent. Mars? Every other Tesla type? Marriage 3.0? No matter it’s, it is going to be out of this global!

Elon and Amber Heard: The Dramatic Saga

We will be able to’t put out of your mind Amber Heard. Musk described their dating as “brutal.” Ah sure, not anything like a love tale that may be summarized with the similar phrase we use for gladiator fights.

Brutal! In relation to Elon Musk’s dating with Amber Heard, that is the phrase of the day. You pay attention the phrase “brutal,” and also you assume UFC cage fights, medieval jousts, or staring into the abyss of an Excel spreadsheet on a Monday morning. However no, it is how Elon Musk describes relationship. Ah, love within the age of Tesla.

Elon and Amber’s romance used to be much less of a “stroll at the seashore” and extra of a “walk thru a minefield.” Are you able to consider date evening? As an alternative of Netflix and kick back, it is like “Tesla and Stress.”

“Howdy, Amber, do you want some popcorn together with your high-stakes emotional drama?”
“Provided that it comes with a facet of existential dread, Elon.”

Now, we will’t say we are shocked. If you find yourself juggling rocket launches with divorce papers, what is slightly brutal romance at the aspect? It is like Elon noticed his dating standing choices and concept, “Unmarried? Married? How about ‘It is sophisticated in area’?”

Their dating used to be as solid as a SpaceX rocket prototype. You already know, the sort that appears superior however may explode at any second. Sooner or later you might be unveiling a innovative automotive, and the following you might be navigating the explosive ruins of your dating, considering, “Is it too overdue to transform this into some more or less renewable power?”

Ah sure, Musk and Heard: the couple that makes Romeo and Juliet appear to be a fairy story and Cleopatra and Mark Antony look like mere kid’s play. As a result of if you find yourself on the lookout for a love tale, why opt for Shakespearean tragedy when you’ll be able to have a Silicon Valley cleaning soap opera?

Elon and Grimes: The Long term is Now

In spite of everything, we come to Grimes. She mentioned that Elon “friends love with being imply or abusive.” It seems like Elon Musk is the one man who may flip “Netflix and Kick back” into “SpaceX and Pressure.”

Grimes referred to as it “demon mode” when Elon will get in reality intense. I will be able to see it now. Elon sits down on the dinner desk and says, “Babe, as a substitute of a romantic getaway, how would you’re feeling a couple of romantic Mars colonization?”

I consider occurring a date with Elon comes to sitting thru PowerPoint displays about synthetic intelligence taking on the arena. As an alternative of roses, you get a bouquet of Tesla charging cables.

Ah, Grimes and Elon Musk, the couple that makes us all wonder whether we are residing in a science fiction film. Their love tale is as futuristic as Elon’s companies. It is the real-life model of “Her,” apart from the running gadget sings indie songs and designs unusual child names.

Grimes referred to as Elon’s intense emotional state “demon mode.” You already know, maximum {couples} argue about whose flip it’s to do the dishes or what display to look at on Netflix. However those two? They debate whether or not AI goes to be a benevolent overlord or the tip of humanity. Ah, younger love!

Are you able to consider a standard date evening? “Honey, as a substitute of going out for dinner, how about we calculate the possibility of a self-sustainable ecosystem on Mars? Oh, and as a substitute of dessert, we will do possibility exams for the SpaceX Starship.”

The object about Elon is that he does not convey you flora; he brings you blueprints. As an alternative of whispering candy nothings, he almost definitely whispers quantum physics equations. “Darling, you might be as crucial to me because the Planck consistent in quantum mechanics.” Swoon, am I proper?

When Grimes mentioned Elon may affiliate love with being imply or abusive, I feel she intended love thru rocket thrusters. It is like their hearts do not beat; they blast off. Maximum {couples} argue over who left the bathroom seat up. Elon and Grimes argue over who left the spaceship hatch open.

So yeah, relationship Elon Musk is like being in a futuristic rom-com the place the principle characters are phase geek, phase rockstar, and completely unpredictable. As a result of let’s accept it, you’ll be able to’t spell “Grimes and Elon” with out “OMG, extraterrestrial beings.”

Relationship Elon Jokes

1. Elon Musk’s love existence is sort of a SpaceX release: bold, sophisticated, and now and again issues simply blow up.
2. Relationship Elon is like proudly owning a Tesla: graceful and trendy, however you might be at all times apprehensive about operating out of power.
3. They are saying by no means pass to mattress offended, however with Elon, you by no means pass to mattress. There are rockets to release!
4. Elon’s the type of man who would plan a romantic getaway to the World House Station.
5. Elon does not whisper candy nothings; he whispers inventory projections.
6. Within the Musk family, the word “I want area” has a completely other that means.
7. Elon does not get a divorce, he simply schedules a “gadget replace.”
8. A love letter from Elon almost definitely comprises no less than 3 charts and a suggestion for a brand new type of transportation.
9. Elon provides an entire new that means to the word “it is not you, it is me… and my a couple of firms.”
10. Elon Musk’s model of cuddling is maintaining fingers… whilst concurrently tweeting about cryptocurrency.
11. Elon Musk’s love language isn’t “Phrases of Confirmation.” It’s “Phrases and Stipulations.”
12. When Elon fights along with his female friend, do you assume he yells, “To the moon!”?
13. Elon almost definitely makes use of his personal tweets as pick-up strains. “Did you’re feeling that? That used to be my inventory going up.”
14. Relationship Elon should be like relationship Wikipedia: at all times informative however by no means in reality certain if it is true.
15. Elon Musk’s dating recommendation: “Stay your feelings as solid as a SpaceX touchdown. So… now not very.”
16. If Elon Musk wrote a romance novel, it will simply be the guide to a Tesla Style S.
17. Elon’s concept of a romantic evening out is a PowerPoint on why romance is inefficient.
18. When you get a divorce with Elon, do you get loose lifetime supercharging as a parting reward?
19. How lengthy sooner than Elon invents a dating robotic that at all times concurs with him? Oh wait, it is referred to as Twitter.
20. Elon and Grimes named their child X Æ A-Xii as a result of that is the password to Elon’s middle. Just right success seeking to keep in mind that.
21. Elon’s marriages are like his rockets: in a position for a relaunch.
22. “Elon & Talulah: The Sequel” – Coming to a courthouse close to you.
23. If Marriage 1.0 did not paintings, simply look forward to the patch replace: Marriage 2.1, now with much less arguing!
24. Musk’s motto: “Fail speedy, relaunch sooner, remarry quickest!”
25. “Instrument replace to be had: Marriage 2.0. Do you want to put in now or be reminded later?”
26. With Elon, it is not about discovering ‘The One.’ It is about discovering the most recent model.
27. Elon does not desire a love music; he wishes a consumer guide.
28. If simplest Elon may make his marriages as sustainable as his Teslas!
29. Talulah should have felt like an early Tesla type—nice however wanted a few updates.
30. Between the rocket launches and the wedding vows, Elon’s in reality into countdowns, is not he?
31. Elon Musk did not simply shoot for the celebrities; he shot for the alpha identify too.
32. Put out of your mind Mars; Elon and Justine’s dating used to be without equal frontier.
33. For Elon, even love needs to be reusable. Therefore, the a couple of marriages!
34. Elon does not imagine in love in the beginning sight; he believes in love in the beginning a success rocket release.
35. Justine and Elon: The couple that argues about area in combination, remains in combination? Smartly, now not relatively.
36. Their dating wasn’t written within the stars, but it surely used to be surely sketched out in a rocket blueprint.
37. Justine should have recognized she used to be in for a trip when “I do” got here with phrases and prerequisites.
38. It is not “child communicate” within the Musk family; it is “rocket communicate.”
39. Believe the wedding counselor’s face after they heard in regards to the “alpha” whisper all through the primary dance!
40. If Elon whispered “alpha,” what do you assume he yelled all through arguments? “To infinity and past!”
41. It is advisable to energy a Tesla with the strain between Elon and Amber.
42. Elon as soon as mentioned he needs to die on Mars. Amber almost definitely sought after him to depart quicker.
43. “Brutal” may be how I describe the WiFi at my grandma’s area, however I assume a dating with Amber Heard is more or less the similar factor.
44. If Amber and Elon had a love music, it will be “Rocket Guy,” however the rocket is simply stuffed with emotional luggage.
45. Elon’s love existence: powered through Tesla, sophisticated through Amber.
46. With Amber, Elon came upon the one factor more difficult to land than a SpaceX rocket—a drama-free dating.
47. If Elon may create a renewable power supply from drama, he’d be set for existence.
48. Love is within the air, and so is the SpaceX rocket—each are similarly volatile.
49. Brutal, however no less than now not as brutal as looking for a parking spot for a Tesla in LA.
50. The affection tale of Elon and Amber—as a result of each superhero wishes a posh backstory.
51. Elon as soon as mentioned he needs to retire on Mars. With Grimes, it is extra like, “Honey, do you need to spend our golden years in a Martian biodome?”
52. If Elon and Grimes ever get a divorce, their “It is sophisticated” standing shall be visual from any other galaxy.
53. Grimes and Elon—a dating programmed in Python and maintained in chaos.
54. A romantic stroll for Elon and Grimes is a excursion across the Tesla Gigafactory.
55. Demon mode? Seems like the most recent Tesla riding atmosphere.
56. As an alternative of couple’s treatment, they almost definitely go for a Mars habitat simulation.
57. They do not write love letters; they ship encrypted messages thru SpaceX satellites.
58. For his or her anniversary, Grimes almost definitely talented Elon a quantum pc, and Elon reciprocated with a map of doable Martian touchdown websites.
59. They did not simply wreck the mildew; they shot it into area.
60. With those two, the “honeymoon segment” may actually imply a shuttle across the Moon on a SpaceX rocket.

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